Road Surveyor...

A few months ago, I met a guy on Match that seemed to have quite a bit in common with me, atleast that is what it seemed like.
We agreed to meet at a local Houlihan's restaurant, one happens to be very close to where I live, but he didn't know that.  I walked to the restaurant and met him at the bar.  We each had a $3 beer while waiting for a table.  You are probably wondering why I mentioned the cost of the beer, trust me, it's relevant.
One of the first things I noticed when meeting this guy is that he lied about his height.  He was another one that said he was over 6 foot tall, and when he showed up he had mysteriously shrunk to shorter than 5'10".  He also put off a bad smell.  Not like farts or BO, but instead, like some sort of nervous animal smell.
After a short wait in the bar, we were seated at a small booth.  When the waitress came to take our orders, I asked for another water, he asked for a large beer.  No appetizers, and I ordered an appetizer as a meal, and a side of french onion soup.  Date ordered a KC Strip, a shrimp skewer and a Lobster tail.  It was some sort of special Surf and Turf night, but each additional Surf item did cost.  In my head, I was thinking that he must be hungry or possibly trying to show off.
Dinner went okay, and I learned we didn't have much in common, except our college alma mater.
The waitress checked on us numerous times, I think she could tell it was a bit of an awkward first date.

Time for the check....He slid it towards me and told me I could pay since he paid for the beers at the bar.  I was dumbfounded and definitely thought he was joking.  I clarified with him, and he was serious about me paying.  I suggested we split the check and pay for our own meals, he said no, and told me I could pay since I had a good job and he paid for the beers at the bar.  The tab was over $60, and only $12 of it was mine.  At this point, I just wanted to get the heck out of there.  I grabbed my debit card, put it in the check folder and the waitressed passed by it many times.  Finally, she stopped and grabbed it, looked at me and said "all on your card?", she was also baffled.  I said, yep, I guess so.  He piped in saying that he paid for the beers....
This date couldn't end soon enough.
The next day, I got a text message from him saying he had a GREAT time and wanted to hang out really soon.  I didn't reply, I couldn't afford it :)

The Farmer that couldn't hear or take social cues

Since some other professions hadn't worked out, I decided to take a chance and go out with a farmer this evening.

We met at a local restaurant known for many beers and great food.  I decided to meet him there because I don't like being picked up for first dates (another post).  We met at the bar, I ordered a beer (Shiner) and he had a 7 and 7.  As I was reaching for my beer, he grabbed my hand to hold it.  I was thinking to myself, whoa buddy, I just met you, I am not really wanting to hold your hand or show PDA.  

Next, we got a table.  On our walk to the table he tried to tell me I was taller than what I posted on Match.  My thought was, way to go dumbass, you really know how to score points with ladies, tell them they are bigger than you thought.

We sit down at dinner, and he wants to order an appetizer that I don't like.  I told him I didn't care for wings, and he said, well, if I pay for them, then I guess you will have to eat them.  Wrong again, buddy.  Once again, we just met, you aren't going to tell me what I have to do or eat.  

I ended up ordering cheesey noodles and he ordered tuna.  He continued to try to push me to take a bite of his food.  I didn't want any and said no thanks and he kept trying.  So, I took the cue and asked him if he wanted a bite of mine, he slid the plate over to him and started chowing down.

He did take care of the bill.  

After paying, I had to pee very badly.  When I get nervous, I tend to drink lots of water.  I think the poor waitress had to refill my glass atleast 7 times, I just wish she would have stayed and sat down and acted as a buffer.  We stopped at the restroom on the way out.  When I came out of the restroom, he immediately tried to grab my hand.  I told him, that they were still wet (they were out of paper towels), and I put them in my pockets to work on drying them off.  We walked out and he suggested walking around the shopping area.  

While we were walking he made me extremely uncomfortable.  Why, you ask?  Let's start with the fact that he continued to try to stick his hands in my pockets,  grab my hands out of my pockets and hold my hands, tickle me (which I consider torture), stop in front of display windows and try to kiss me, and then the worst part was when he put his hand up the back of my shirt.  I asked him to stop all of these things and he didn't.  We passed by a bar which had a new name, he tried to tell me what it used to be called, and I knew he was wrong.  I told him what I thought it used to be called.  He tried to bet me $1000 that he was right.  Finally, I told him I was ready to go back to my car and go home.  He seemed upset.  As we walked to my car he accused me of having another date tonight.  I assured him I didn't.  He then asked what we were doing on Saturday because he wanted to go out with him and stay the night.   I told him I was not staying the night and I already had plans for Saturday night.  

As he walked me to my car, he continued to try to grab my butt and I continued to swat his hand away and told him to stop.  He asked me to let him know when I made it home.  I texted him when I made it home.  I also checked google for the previous name of the bar, I was right.  I should have taken the bet.