Monday, September 9, 2013

Road Surveyor...

A few months ago, I met a guy on Match that seemed to have quite a bit in common with me, atleast that is what it seemed like.
We agreed to meet at a local Houlihan's restaurant, one happens to be very close to where I live, but he didn't know that.  I walked to the restaurant and met him at the bar.  We each had a $3 beer while waiting for a table.  You are probably wondering why I mentioned the cost of the beer, trust me, it's relevant.
One of the first things I noticed when meeting this guy is that he lied about his height.  He was another one that said he was over 6 foot tall, and when he showed up he had mysteriously shrunk to shorter than 5'10".  He also put off a bad smell.  Not like farts or BO, but instead, like some sort of nervous animal smell.
After a short wait in the bar, we were seated at a small booth.  When the waitress came to take our orders, I asked for another water, he asked for a large beer.  No appetizers, and I ordered an appetizer as a meal, and a side of french onion soup.  Date ordered a KC Strip, a shrimp skewer and a Lobster tail.  It was some sort of special Surf and Turf night, but each additional Surf item did cost.  In my head, I was thinking that he must be hungry or possibly trying to show off.
Dinner went okay, and I learned we didn't have much in common, except our college alma mater.
The waitress checked on us numerous times, I think she could tell it was a bit of an awkward first date.
Time for the check....He slid it towards me and told me I could pay since he paid for the beers at the bar.  I was dumbfounded and definitely thought he was joking.  I clarified with him, and he was serious about me paying.  I suggested we split the check and pay for our own meals, he said no, and told me I could pay since I had a good job and he paid for the beers at the bar.  The tab was over $60, and only $12 of it was mine.  At this point, I just wanted to get the heck out of there.  I grabbed my debit card, put it in the check folder and the waitressed passed by it many times.  Finally, she stopped and grabbed it, looked at me and said "all on your card?", she was also baffled.  I said, yep, I guess so.  He piped in saying that he paid for the beers....
This date couldn't end soon enough.
The next day, I got a text message from him saying he had a GREAT time and wanted to hang out really soon.  I didn't reply, I couldn't afford it :)

Sunday, September 8, 2013

It's been awhile..Technology Sales Guy..

It's been awhile since I last wrote, and I will definitely be able to fill in the gaps with some crazy dates...
Let's start with tonight's date...
We met at a local bar and grill at 6:30 pm.  If we are meeting for a date at 6:30 pm, I am assuming that we are eating dinner.  Nope, he ordered two ice waters, and an order of pretzel sticks for us to share...
He continued to interrupt and try to finish my sentences.  Excuse me buddy, we just met, you don't know what I am going to say next.
The waitress definitely noticed me in distress and continued to refill my ice water at a fast rate.  Not fast enough...
There were tv's all around, mostly playing different NFL games, so my attention was sometimes diverted.  Good thing, because it seemed like all he wanted to do was have a staring contest.
He did mention that he just moved from a 2 bedroom patio home, to a 5 bedroom house with a pool that he doesn't know how to take care of, so he had the pool company close it in June...ok...
Next up, he just returned from a family trip to Orlando, where is family of 15 (including nieces and nephews) vacations every year.  They go to Sea World Orlando every single year.  No Universal, No Disney, no beach, just Sea World.  Oh, and they did go out to eat at:  Olive Garden, Red Lobster and the Ponderosa Steakhouse (twice).  Yes, Ponderosa Steakhouses are still in business.
This date listed on that he was 6'2" and he was not taller than me.  Come on guys, get a clue that height is something you cannot lie about.  Inflate your income on if you are wanting to inflate something..
Next up, a date later this week with a entrepreneur.  We will see how this goes..

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

So much to catch up on, but let's just start with a little teaser....
For some reason, a man on slipped thru my filter settings and was able to wink and send me a message.  He lives in a town about 20 miles south of me, no educational background, no similar interests, faith background, hobbies, nothing!
In his profile picture he is wearing a Nascar tshirt of some kind.  I imagine his fingernails to be nubs and black under the nail part if there is any.  Bad, I know.
The message said "Hey there, I noticed you live near me.  How about you pick up some carryout for dinner for us and a Redbox dvd sometime this week?"
How about, no!  Are you kidding me?
Oh, forgot to mention, he had a rat tail in his profile picture, yes a rat tail.

Friday, October 14, 2011

The over six foot pharmacist: DEFINITELY NOT A MATCH

Wow, not even sure where to start on this one.  First of all, I would like to apologize to all of my loyal readers (2-5 of you).  I took a break from blogging because of some minor surgery, but don’t you worry, I am back on the blogging train. 
So, for the next story, and possibly the best/worst date I have been on.  We met on, on paper in his pictures (from the shoulder up) he looked normal.  Six foot five, pharmacist, interested in sports (playing and watching), in good shape, likes to travel, likes dogs, close with his family, wants children.  All of it sounded great. 
We started messaging back and forth, then emailing, emailing moved to texting and a couple of phone calls were thrown in there as well.  Finally, he planned a date on Sunday to the arboretum (outdoor nature park).  I had never been to this place, so I thought it would be fun.  He also mentioned drinking wine while there, so I needed to bring an opaque container so we wouldn’t get busted. 
We planned to meet at a restaurant parking lot near the arboretum which was a ways from my house, but close to my brothers.  I decided this was safe, even though I don’t like to ride in the car with strangers.  My thinking was, it would be okay since we parked at a place that was public. 
As Sunday rolled around, I was getting excited for the date.  So much that I rearranged my appointment with the cable company, and they came early in the morning rather than mid afternoon.  We planned to meet at 12:30. 
As I drove into the parking lot, I was looking for his car, a new style Ford Explorer.  I saw one with a Giant Happy face front plate and thought that surely was not him.  Wrong.  It was.  He got out of the car and started  waving.  I parked, checked my hair and lip gloss once more and went over to his car to meet him.  As he walked over, I noticed he was more feminine in his walking than girliest of women I know.  Bad sign. 
He popped the trunk/hatch to his car and I put my blanket (which he asked me to bring to sit on in case we wanted to rest at the arboretum).  He had a bottle of white wine on ice.  He then told me I could put my purse in the back for the drive to the arboretum.  I told him, no thanks.  I don’t like to have my personal belongings out of my control.  Before he shut the trunk, he wanted to check my opaque container.  It didn’t pass his inspection. 
We arrived at the arboretum and it was stroller and dog central.  Nothing I minded, but turns out, both things that he minded.  As we started our stroll, sans wine because my container was too risky, he noticed I was interested in the dogs and that’s when he came out with the big news…he was a cat lover.  He has one cat, that if I wasn’t riding with him in the front seat today, his cat would have been.  He said the cat is very dog and human like.  He is even looking into breeding the cat.  I couldn’t help myself and asked “people actually breed cats on purpose?  I thought they were all accidents.”  He didn’t find that funny. 
On a sidenote, I find it interesting that two of my dates have compared their pets to something they are not.  Fireman compared his dachshund to a much larger dog and now tall pharmacist compared his cat to a dog or a human. 
At this point, I knew this was not going to work out long term or even for much longer.  Then he asked me if I really did like watching and playing sports and being outside.  I told him, yes to all three.  I even reminded that the day before I was in my college town watching my nationally ranked alma mater win in a football game.  He said he didn’t really like sports, playing or watching and didn’t like being outside much either.  The kill shot….I am not sure if you knew this, but I wasn’t able to put it on match, but I am bisexual.  I about lost it.  I told him, how was I to know that?  Of course I didn’t know it. 
By now, I was ready to leave but he was insistent on continuing to walk around and talk more.  I told him we really didn’t have much in common or anything else to talk about.  He was dishonest on his profile and I have enough gay guy friends, I wasn’t looking for more, especially not on 
He began to talk about his new job he was going to be starting at a different pharmacy.  He mentioned it was a conflict of interest because he and his mother both have their degrees of some kind in energy and hand healing.  I didn’t ask him to elaborate, I was already extremely annoyed. 
He asked what my plans were for the rest of the day, I told him I had just gotten a text saying my friend was in labor, so I needed to get there (he didn’t need to know it was a few states away.).  I also told him my brother who lived close texted me and needed me to stop by to watch the nieces for a bit. 
As we drove back to the restaurant where my car was parked, he elaborated on the fact that he didn’t like dogs and didn’t want kids.  Add all of that up plus the fact that he was bisexual, loved cats and wanted to breed them, didn’t like sports, could barely walk because of his lack of coordination, no risk taking skills (sneaking wine into a park) and many other things it definitely wasn’t a match!  I even told him that. 
Fast forward 3 hours after date, a text arrived:  I had a great time today, I can’t wait to see you again!  Maybe another Sunday Funday next week?! 
My reply:  Thanks, but as I said at the park, we are not a match and I am not interested. 
Days later, I remembered he still had my blanket in his car.  I texted him and told him I needed that back, he said he could ship it to my office.  I told him, no, I would find a way to get it back.  Suggestions??

WHOA, almost forgot to mention…he was wearing this on the date.  Yep, that’s right a bug repellent clip on his belt. 

Most importantly, he made fun of my iPhone and this pulled out his windows phone that resembled Zack Morris's phone.  He then went on to criticize Steve Jobs and the fact that so many people were sad that he was dead.  I explained to him that he really did change the world.  He said that was crap, an he didn't agree.  We had to agree to disagree, but another reason we wouldn't work, I like Apple, he doesnt. 

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Perfect example

Of the saying, there's somebody for everyone.
This guy was with his lady at the nail salon where she was getting a bright purple manicure with flowers on each finger.

This can't be good

I was running water and rinsing my dishes before putting them on the dishwasher (as my mother taught me) and realized my foot was getting soaked from water coming out of the bottom cabinet. I'm not a plumber but can tell you that the non functioning garbage disposal definitely needs to be replaced!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Not a Match Date, Instead A Craigslist Ad

A little background:
I posted an ad on Craigslist to see what type of housing is available to purchase or rent with one more bedroom than I currently have right now.  I said I wanted 2-3 bedrooms, in a certain part of town.  Basically, nothing like what this nutjob replied with:

Hi, I just read your ad on Craigslist and just wanted to check and see if you would be interested in the @#(*(@#*area. @(*#(@(* is a nice quiet place and not too far from the city, approx 17 miles.
I have a 1999 Oakwood Mobile Home that as of November is able to be moved or you can keep it at its current location. I would be willing to rent or lease to own or let you purchase out right. I am going thru a divorce and haven’t been staying there for a few months. I have done lots of work to it since I purchased it almost two years ago. New carpet throughout except the Kitchen and baths and laundry room. There is fresh paint in a few rooms but as I am planning on replacing doors and windows as well as insulating all of the exterior walls I have not painted all rooms. Paint has been purchased as well as a new vanity andgranite countertop for master bathroom and insulation.
I am looking for someone to take care of the place and maybe trade some work for rent etc. If you are interested I would be happy to show although it is under construction and my soon to be ex and I are in the process of sorting out his and my wants…
The mobile home is a three bedroom, two bath house with large kitchen, eat in dining room and separate laundry. Two of the bedrooms have large walk in closets and for a single wide (largest one made) it is quite large and comfortable. I just purchased a LG stainless steel refrigerator (largest I could buy) as well as a LG stainless Steel Dishwasher. I would be interested in including these items along with other household furnishings if needed for an extra amount or purchase outright. I have had the carpet installed November of last year and the appliances were purchased just a few months ago. There has been no smoking in the home.
If you are not interested but might know someone that might be, please let me know.
The lot rent includes water as long as you don’t go over 20.00 a month but together it is 398.50 (or close to) and I would work on rent. I just am going to be very picky due to all of the work I have put into the place.
My cell is ###-###-####, if possible text as if I don’t know your # I might let it go to voicemail.
I will be listing the home and all of its contents for sale this weekend, so early bird gets the worm. Plus I would be excited to find someone who is handy…could use some help installing the granite, and a the new shower as well as some other great little projects. I love to DIY so if your handy I’d be interested in meeting you.

Thanks again,